Does anyone remember the “Goofus and Gallant” page from old Highlights? You know, in the left frame Goofus illustrates how not to behave; in the right frame Gallant illustrates proper etiquette.
I can’t help but think that in a galaxy far far away at the edge of our universe, the alien equivalent of Highlights simply reprints the #FakePresident’s tweets in the left frame, while displaying good alien conduct in the right.
Take this morning’s rant.
One can just see Goofus chasing after the “quitters” who refuse to eliminate healthcare for millions of citizens. In the right frame is Gallant, praising Congress members for not caving into bullying.
But I am also remembering an older layer of Goofus and Gallant. Thucydides reports how, in the Summer of 430 BCE “with their land devastated for the second time, and under the double burden of plague and war, the Athenians suffered a change of mind” about the policies of their ruler, Pericles. “They now began to blame Pericles for persuading them to war and held him responsible for the disasters that had befallen them” (Thucydides, Peloponnesian War 2.59).
Like Goofus, Pericles turns the tables on the Athenians. Their sons, brothers, and husbands are returning in body bags. Criminal neglect of Athenian health and infrastructure have spread the plague. But, instead of comforting the Athenians, Pericles ridicules them:
I was expecting this anger of yours against me (I can understand its causes), and I have called this assembly in order to refresh your memory and to suggest that you are wrong to criticize me or to give in to your present troubles (Thuc. 2.60).
Remember? You are the obstructionists who for the past seven years have vowed to repeal and replace the Affordable Care Act.
Certainly if all else is well and people have the choice of war or peace, it is great folly to go to war. But if, as was the case, the stark choice is either to submit and endure instant subjection to others or to face the risks and win through, the greater blame lies in shirking the danger rather than standing up to it. For my own part, I remain the same and my position does not shift. It is you who are changing. What has happened is that your conviction when you were unharmed has turned to regret now that trouble is on you, and in your weakened state of morale that argument of mine now seems to you mistaken: the pain has already made itself felt by every individual, but the benefit for all of us is not yet clearly seen (Thuc. 2.61).
When it was a matter of fanning hatred against a black President in order to win votes, you were all on board. Now that you are called upon to deprive millions of citizens of affordable healthcare, you are shirking your responsibility. Quitters.
The enemy have attacked, as they were always going to do on your refusal to submit; we were prepared for all else, but not for the additional affliction of this plague, the only present circumstance which could not have been foreseen. I know that my increased unpopularity is largely due to the plague: but this is unfair, unless you will also give me the credit for any unexpected success (Thuc. 2.64).
“My increased unpopularity is due to the fake news reporting the CBO’s fake numbers — the plague of media; but, wait, look at those job numbers!”
Quitters. Astonishingly, however, Thucydides then reports: “The universal anger at Pericles among the Athenians did not subside until they had punished him with a fine. Not long afterwards, as is characteristic of crowd behaviour, they elected him general once more and entrusted all their affairs to his management” (Thuc. 2.65).
Why? Because Goofus and Gallant no more changed anyone’s mind than did Thucydides’ Peloponnesian War. Deprived of the means of understanding their fate, the Athenians — as is characteristic of crowd behaviour — dutifully tuned into Fox News every evening and reelected the leader responsible for their pain, destruction, and suffering.
And, yet, the lesson was not entirely lost. Two millennia later, when Federalists lined up to defend their new Constitution, they universally condemned this so-called “father of Democracy,” this demagogue, this bully. He is Goofus, not Gallant. Parents: he is the left hand bad example; not the right hand good example.